Film: Battles Behind Our Truths
Lexington, Tennessee
“Have you ever asked yourself if you should be thinking a certain way about someone of the same sex or not?
That uneasy feeling of the unknown is how I like to describe Lexington - I was never exposed to the LGBTQ+ community or even to really what being gay was.
It wasn’t until about 11th grade that I really started to understand some of the thoughts I was having were not “normal”.
Inevitably, I began thinking more and more about women and all the possibilities of what my life could be.
Yet, there was one thing that outshined my desire to explore and find myself - fear.
Fear of my parents finding out. Fear of my friends finding out. Fear of the uncertain.
What if…? That simple phrase is all I could think about. What if my family disowns me? What if my friends vanish?
After many desperate attempts at “fitting in” and finding the “perfect guy,” I decided to just keep my head down until I could get out of Lexington.
Within my first couple of weeks at college, I had already met an amazing woman. I didn’t flinch when she kissed me. I didn’t get uncomfortable driving alone with her. I didn’t want to be away from her. I wanted her in every way.
This was it. I had finally discovered what it was to be free and happy. This was me.”
“I waited to come out until after I moved out of Lexington.
The town itself is close-minded, but I still could have come out and pushed through it if I really wanted to.
I guess it really just came down to fear and not wanting people’s perception of me to change.
Not only that, but I also needed to get out of Lexington to really figure out who I was - and I’m still working on that part today.
I just care less about what other people are going to think or say and more about who I want to be.”
“I came out in Lexington when I was 13 years old. I knew it was risky to tell people because of how small-minded Lexington is.
I decided it didn’t matter what other people thought as long as I was happy.
I learned quickly that not everyone would accept it, but the people that did accepted me and were the people that really mattered.”
“I moved to Lexington in 5th grade. I always knew I was different than all the other boys, but I was not entirely sure…why.
As time passed, I began to realize that I liked some boys as more than just friends.
Eventually, came 8th grade, where I was bullied. The high school kids on the bus would always call me names. Even though I had not come out yet…I was never the best secret keeper.
And then, there was high school, making all new friends and trying to pick the right social groups to join. I never really stayed with just one group. I was like a social butterfly.
I was friends with everyone, but it was like the popular kids and upperclassmen always had something against me…especially the straight white boys.
Hence, I stayed in the closet until the summer following my sophomore year.
At last, I felt comfortable enough to open up to my parents, which went better than expected.
And with the support of my family, I really didn’t care what the people of Lexington thought of me because I knew I would be leaving that place for good one day.
Slowly, I came out to certain groups of friends, and then suddenly, everyone knew or was asking me if I was gay.
I lost a lot of important friendships because of homophobia and never feeling secure enough to answer questions.
Therefore, I was never fully out and proud until I was able to travel with friends and family to finally discover who I really am.
I didn’t know if I was necessarily gay, but I did like men sexually.
Now, I am out and proud to be a gay man trying to make it in society.
Which is slightly easier thanks to all the love and support I get from my communities.”